ANGER MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUES FOR PEOPLE THAT EXPRESS THEIR ANGER
Please, note that in order to distinguish the appropriate anger management techniques and make things short and clear in this site we call people that express their anger externally "people that express their anger".
Anger Management Techniques When You Get Angry
Situations that provoke anger occur unexpected. What exactly should you do when you get into that situation and you are about to erupt?
1. One Step Back!
When you feel you are in a provoking anger situation, step back in your mind. Say to yourself: "Stop! Wait a second! Is this one of those situations that drives me crazy? Is it what I want?" If the situation involves a person ask yourself about the motivation that stays behind the provocation: "Is that person doing this intentionally or not?"
This helps to elevate you over the problem allowing you to look at it with different eyes.
2. Breathe Deep!
Breathing deeply with your diaphragm helps to lower the adrenaline level and calm you. Inhale deeply and then hold your breath for a couple of seconds, and then exhale. Repeat this procedure until you have calmed yourself down. Keep repeating yourself and picture the words: "Take it easy! Relax! Take it easy!"
3. Count to Ten!
Slow counting to ten may not address the anger directly, but it can minimize the damage you will do while angry. It also helps you to step back from the situation and buys time for you to examine the problem.
It may be even more helpful to count backwards from ten. Counting backwards forces your mind to refocus on the backwards numbers and may act a little as a reset button for your emotions.
If the usual counting to ten looks to you commonplace, you can come up with more entertaining way of counting: "One-chocolate-ice-cream-two-chocolate-ice-cream…" Imagine something more pleasant or humorous while counting. Since you are counting in your mind, you can incorporate it with the deep breathing technique discussed above.
4. Take Time Out!
If the situation is getting out of hand, ask for a time out before saying something that you would probably later regret. Take whatever time off you feel that is appropriate and bring yourself to a level where you are calm and relaxed.
Leave the room, take a walk. If you can spend 5-10 minutes in green environment, lay your back over a tree stem – this reduces stress very successfully. Drink a glass of cold water as it is also helpful. Then come back to the problem, examine it, and solve it.
Time out sessions are wonderful ways of interrupting your anger process and help in regaining your senses. When you return to the situation you'll be refreshed and better able to approach it with a new mind and an assertive rather than aggressive approach.
5. Recall an Anger Quote!
In the course of time human experience has piled up lots of observations on anger and some sage people have tried to summarize it in interesting thoughts and sayings. Memorizing them and recalling them in the critical situation might be a real help for anger.
Here we give you three anger quotes:
"He who angers you conquers you" (Elizabeth Kenny).
"Anger is one letter short of danger" (Popular Saying).
"People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing" (Will Rogers).
Memorize them and repeat them when you are tempted to respond inappropriately in the anger provoking situations.
Want more anger quotes? Find more anger quotes here!
6. Watch Your Words!
When you speak, speak softly, keep the tone of your voice low and avoid extreme words such as "always" or "never," for example: "They always use me!", "You never listen what I say." Most likely this is not true and using these words only will worsen the situation.
It may take some time and intense effort to put these anger management techniques into practice when you are facing situations that typically send you into a rage, but it is worth it.
Visit our Recommended Products Center and find great books and courses that can help you learn to express your anger in a controlled manner. Find cure for your anger here!
Anger Management Techniques after You Have Been Angry
If you have been already applying the anger management techniques discussed above, you should see some progress. But this will not happen overnight and it is completely normal if you get angry in anger-provoking situations sometimes. Don't give up! Keep trying!
There is more you can do. You have probably noticed that even when the situation that provoked the anger has passed, the negative moods and tension stay. What should you do to release yourself from the destructive influence of the anger?
1. Visualize!
Using your imagination try to imagine the object of your anger as something funny. Do this immediately after the anger-provoking situation has passed or even during it. For example, your boss yells at you for something that you didn't do. Try to imagine him in nothing but his underwear, a pair of dorky reading glasses and a big red nose. Now imagine him in this less authoritative outfit yelling at you again. Are you able to get angry at the new mental picture of your boss now? Probably not!
Or imagine him as an amoeba sitting at a desk or talking on the phone. Are you able to get angry at an amoeba?
You can also draw a picture of what it would look like, and visualize it whenever you see that person.
2. Humor Up!
Redirect your thoughts to something funny reading a joke or funny story, watching funny videos or movies. These are things that disconnect and relieve you from the initial anger, allowing you to move on from it.
We've been working on a Humorous Videos Section where you will find funny videos. We are doing our best to launch it soon. Check our site regularly!
But you need not only to find humor – you need to participate in it too. Humor up! Try to find humor in the situation that made you angry. Sometimes it helps with your anger if you are able to laugh at the situation and yourself as well. Start making jokes, but be careful that you do not become offensive, sarcastic and rude (this is an indication of unhealthy anger). This is how you create a more balanced situation for yourself.
3. Immerse Yourself in a Relaxing Atmosphere!
Close your eyes and visualize a relaxing experience. Travel in your mind over beautiful and calm places. If you can, look at relaxing pictures and even listen to relaxing music. This will strengthen your imagination allowing you to transfer yourself into a more calming world. At least for a while.
We've been working on a Relaxation Gallery with relaxing pictures and music that can help you visualize your relaxing experience and calm you down. We are doing our best to launch it soon. Check our site regularly!
4. Play Anger Management Games!
Many people play violent games when they are angry. Although they say this helps them calm down they also confess they get sometimes even more aggressive. Actually, a study by Craig Anderson and Karen Dill (2000) made it clear that playing violent video games leads to more aggression. Playing violent games is not a constructive way to practice anger management simply because the root of anger doesn't go anywhere.
Playing games is a great way to reduce anger only if you play games that… reduce anger. These are the anger management games and they teach you how to properly deal with your anger so that it does not return. Some of the actual anger management games target your control, not your anger. Most people get angry because they feel as if they are out of control or cannot control a situation. The purpose of these anger management games is to learn how to control yourself while you cannot control the game.
You can see some of these anger management games here.
Other anger management games are designed to help you to remember and practice anger management techniques, which is very useful.
Unfortunately most of these games (if not all of them) are group oriented. It is not always possible to convince other people to play with you, especially when you need it. So, it will be good to have an anger management game that can be played when you are alone. Well… there is such a game.
As a beginning you can start with an online game: Lava Flow – The Anger Management Game produced by Daybreak Counseling Services. You can easily learn a lot about anger in an entertaining and educational way. The thing is that after 2-3 tries you will know all the right answers of the game and you will not need it anymore. Give a try to Lava Flow here!
We've been working on an anger management online game without violence that can be played many times reducing your anger successfully. We are doing our best to launch it soon. Check our site regularly!
5. Work Out!
Physical exercise always works if you want to take out your frustration. It provides an outlet for your feelings and emotions, and works best when you are at a very explosive level. It helps in calming you down. Exercising allows you to release the stress and frustration that is locked in your body.
Do whatever exercise you prefer – walk, jog, ride bike, swim, hit the gym – whichever type of exercise you enjoy engaging in.
Some experts would suggest that exercising is important in overcoming anger, but it may not remove deep-seated anger. You need to do something more than this. Exercising should go along with the mental intention of releasing the anger. You need to feel the heavy anger emotion with its full intensity while you exercise. This will assist you in releasing the anger-energy so that it won't return. You may have to do this process repeatedly because the anger may need to be released in layers. It is doubtful that you will release all layers in one single session.
But remember that speaking or acting with any emotion rehearses and builds that emotion. If you see that your mental intention of releasing your anger is actually increasing it, maybe it will be better if you just exercise without incorporating your physical exercise with your angry emotions. Find what works best for you!
The Anger Venting Myth!
There is one anger management technique we do not recommend – anger venting. Though anger venting might be helpful for people that suppress their anger in order to become more balanced, definitely it is not a good idea for people that have problems with expressing their anger externally.
The widespread anger management tip: "Venting your anger is healthy" is actually one of the myths about anger. The truth is, venting your anger is quite unhealthy.
In the 1970s, venting therapy (expressing your anger in an aggressive way) was a modern approach of anger management. However recent researches prove it is not very beneficial and safe – it increases the blood pressure and the levels of the adrenaline. This is counterproductive in calming oneself down, creating even more tension in the body prolonging the mood rather than ending it. So, instead of decreasing the anger/tension, it only leads to increasing it, with the possibility of making one more aggressive. Also, it creates negative patterns of response to the anger which might be repeated in the future. Speaking or acting with any emotion simply rehearses, practices and builds that emotion. Numerous studies have shown that venting anger typically serves to "freeze" a hostile attitude or opinion. Venting does not make hostile feelings go away; instead they tend to stick around longer and haunt you.
In addition, it hurts other people and makes them respond in the same aggressive manner. Therefore, this approach is not appropriate for people who are more readily given to violence in general.
Although venting anger in a safe way might be a good anger management technique for people that suppress their anger, we don't recommend it as an anger management technique for people that express their anger.
6. Write in an Anger Diary!
Another approach to overcome your anger is to write in an "anger diary." Describe in your diary everything that makes you feel bad and angry. No one has to read your words – they simply serve as a therapeutic means to rid the mind of harmful thoughts. Find out the patterns and triggers that lead you to feel angry. Once you identify the problem, you can then find a solution.
Read these testimonies carefully and apply the technique you think is best for you:
"If ever I am angry towards some other people, I've learned not to just utter bad words but rather I write on a journal all that I could have said to someone. After going through it again and again I sort of get relieved and forgive and forget what the other person has done to me. That has saved me a lot."
"I am one of those people who pour everything they think and feel into journals. I also write out my frustrations and anger and when it is all out of my system, I burn the pages, purging not only the journal of the negativism, but also myself... I don't have to relive the event, or the feelings for they are gone and no longer a part of my life. I leave my journals with a raggedy edge here and there, and I know that I must have had a bad day, but that it passed and I moved on to the rest of my abundantly happy and fulfilling life."
We've been working on an Online Anger Diary where you will be able to log your thoughts easy and whenever you want for free. We are doing our best to launch it soon. Check our site regularly!
7. Share!
Another approach of releasing your anger is to share with the person who made you angry how you feel. But you need to do this when you're already calm, not furious. Use "I feel" instead of "You are" or "You did": "When you said this I felt bad," instead of "You made me feel bad when you…"
Refuse to criticize or blame! This closes doors and rejects people. Consider well what you will say first to avoid regret for your words later. The tongue can do a lot of damage.
Once you're calm, express your anger as soon as possible so that you aren't left stewing. If you simply can't express your anger in a controlled manner to the person who angered you, try talking to a family member, friend, counselor or another trusted person.
Visit our Recommended Products Center and find great books and courses that can help you learn to express your anger in a controlled manner. Find cure for your anger here!
Anger Management Techniques That Change the Way You Think
Working over your anger problem is not just applying specific anger management techniques while you are in an anger-provoking situation and after it has passed. The most important part of your success is changing the way you think about things. Please, read carefully this last section of your anger management techniques:
1. Understand Your Anger!
The first step in anger management is learning to define the problem and face it head on. In order to overcome your anger you need to understand the chief reason of your anger. Once you have figured out the root cause, you can easily try to prepare yourself for dealing with it the next time you get angry.
Also you need to identify your different anger patterns. You may feel angrier towards one person or situation and might react in a different manner. Ask yourself why.
Finding the chief reason for your anger and your anger patterns prepares you to respond anger in an appropriate and healthy way in future.
2. Think Positive!
Do you know that people's emotions and behavior can be greatly affected by what they think? If people can consciously change their habits of what they say to themselves and what mental images they present to themselves, they can make themselves happier and less inclined to get angry.
This is called Cognitive Restructuring technique – to change the irrational beliefs and substitute them with more rational ones. In other words, to change the way we think and feel about different things.
Our intentional effort to change thinking negatively and to start thinking positive is a very important side of the fight against anger. Actually, many of the anger management techniques discussed above are based on this approach. But now is time to make an intentional effort to change the way you think.
People that express their anger tend to be demanding and when their demands are not met (it's almost always this, isn't it?), they become angry and tend to exaggerate their words as their feelings also become exaggerated. Negative words coming out of the mouth will make the mind to believe it is so.
Changing the way you think means replacing negative words and thoughts with positive ones. Try replacing these thoughts with more reasonable ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "Oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything is ruined," tell yourself, "It's frustrating and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow."
Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is not "out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life.
Instead of expressing anger, a more constructive reaction would be to search for a solution to the problem. Do not panic if you can't get good results during the course of solving the problem! Give your best and always think positive! Life is much better when you are used to thinking positively.
Changing your thoughts, words and actions to ones that are rational instead of irrational is an anger management technique that takes time to learn but it is the core of the solution. You may find it useful to speak with a specialist in this topic or to read a good book. You can visit our Recommended Products Center where you can find great products that can help you change the way you think and deal with your anger successfully.
Visit our Recommended Products Center here!
3. Forgive and Ask for Forgiveness!
Indisputably, one of the worst anger effects is hurting other people. This destroys relationships. The only way to restore them is… forgiveness.
So ask for forgiveness from the person you have hurt in your anger! We know it is not easy and yet – do it! Although you may look vulnerable, asking for forgiveness actually makes you a worthy person.
When it is the other person's fault, forgive fully the one who has made you angry. Even if he/she doesn't want it, forgive him/her! It is unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want. Forgive the same way as you forgive yourself! The strength to forgive is one of the most amazing human qualities, a true indication of nobility. The ability to forgive gives you great freedom. Forgiving others can release you from your anger and make you a better person.
Forgiveness is probably the strongest approach that can change our thinking and help anyone face anger in a mature way.
We've been working on a Forgiveness Wall that will help you give or ask for forgiveness. This free tool is not meant to substitute your personal contact with the person but only to help you. Check our site regularly!
This last section contains the most important anger management techniques. Your success depends on how you implement them. Here you may need a professional help. Feel free to visit our Recommended Products Center where you can find very useful books and courses – all great products that can help you deal with your anger successfully. We have searched the web for you to provide you with the best anger management products.
Visit our Recommended Products Center here!
Follow these anger management techniques and enjoy a happy and abundant life!
